I am very pleased to announce that the very first meeting of the 'Farage Sycophants 4 UKIP Club' was held in Nigel's and Annabelle's secret love nest in sleepy Kent.
At the meeting it was discussed how best to ensure that Stuart Wheeler's £100,000 donation never leaves the South East.
To become a member you must:
Ignore UKIP corruption.
Worship the Leader.
Give him lots of money.
Never mention OLAF.
Conduct smear campaigns against all those malcontents who refuse to accept Nigel as the messiah.
Tell your friends that the Leader can raise the dead, walk on water and heal the sick.
Tell everyone that UKIP will get 60 MEPs in June.
Tell everyone that Bob Spink is a creep for turning his back on the Saviour.
Hang pictures of the Leader, Bob Feal-Martinez and Paul Nuttall on your bedroom wall.
Name your first born Nigel or Nigella.
Write badly written articles for Young Independence and Bloggers 4 UKIP.
Tell all your friends that Junius is about to be caught.
Don't laugh when David Bannerman tells you that he is the great, great nephew of Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman.
Don't tell anyone that Annabelle Fuller now works for Godfrey Bloom.
Don't tell Godfrey that Junius knows all about that 'incident' outside a Brussels club.
Tell all your friends that Greg Lance-Watkins is the Evil One who must perish.
Don't mention Gawain Towler's trip to India or his wife's blog.
Tell journalists that Annabelle Fuller and Nigel Farage are just good friends.
Never listen to Mark Croucher's recording of Miss Fuller's tearful account of her life with Nigel.
And finally never on pain of death mention the names Peter Cole, Robin Page, Eric Edmond, Geoffrey Collier. Victor Webb, John West, David Abbott, Drew Belobaba, Ian Gilman, Trevor Colman, Roger Knapman, Piers Merchant, Del Young, Petrina Holdsworth, Allison West, Gerard Batten, Bob Spink, Martin Haslam, Len Baynes, Martin Harvey, Christopher Hudson, David Hudson, Bruce Lawson and Gregg Beaman.
At the meeting it was discussed how best to ensure that Stuart Wheeler's £100,000 donation never leaves the South East.
To become a member you must:
Ignore UKIP corruption.
Worship the Leader.
Give him lots of money.
Never mention OLAF.
Conduct smear campaigns against all those malcontents who refuse to accept Nigel as the messiah.
Tell your friends that the Leader can raise the dead, walk on water and heal the sick.
Tell everyone that UKIP will get 60 MEPs in June.
Tell everyone that Bob Spink is a creep for turning his back on the Saviour.
Hang pictures of the Leader, Bob Feal-Martinez and Paul Nuttall on your bedroom wall.
Name your first born Nigel or Nigella.
Write badly written articles for Young Independence and Bloggers 4 UKIP.
Tell all your friends that Junius is about to be caught.
Don't laugh when David Bannerman tells you that he is the great, great nephew of Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman.
Don't tell anyone that Annabelle Fuller now works for Godfrey Bloom.
Don't tell Godfrey that Junius knows all about that 'incident' outside a Brussels club.
Tell all your friends that Greg Lance-Watkins is the Evil One who must perish.
Don't mention Gawain Towler's trip to India or his wife's blog.
Tell journalists that Annabelle Fuller and Nigel Farage are just good friends.
Never listen to Mark Croucher's recording of Miss Fuller's tearful account of her life with Nigel.
And finally never on pain of death mention the names Peter Cole, Robin Page, Eric Edmond, Geoffrey Collier. Victor Webb, John West, David Abbott, Drew Belobaba, Ian Gilman, Trevor Colman, Roger Knapman, Piers Merchant, Del Young, Petrina Holdsworth, Allison West, Gerard Batten, Bob Spink, Martin Haslam, Len Baynes, Martin Harvey, Christopher Hudson, David Hudson, Bruce Lawson and Gregg Beaman.
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