Nigel Farage’s official 2009 election portrait

At a packed meeting held in Nigel’s bathroom, Paul Nuttall unveiled Nigel’s Euro election portrait. Paul said that Nigel had spent over 20 minutes posing for the portrait entitled ‘You can’t win them all or Why Declan is a *******’. He went on to explain that an exclusive limited edition print will shortly be made available to members via the UKIP internet shop as Nigel needs the money.

Paul refused to say who was behind the masterpiece but outside a drunken Godfrey Bloom was heard to shout “where's that ****** bottle of whiskey? That's the thanks I get for using up my prized collection of EU crayons and chalks!”