UKIP Peterborough Rally sinks faster than the Titanic

Have you wondered why no one from UKIP has mentioned UKIP’s big Eastern Rally? Even Michael 'Wolfman' McGough has remained silent. Read on and find out why …….

Robert Brown and Frances Fox had great expectations when they decided to hold a UKIP meeting near Peterborough. After all, had not Nigel Farage, Jeffrey Titford and David Bannerman agreed to grace the meeting with their sanctified presence?

Peter Reeve agreed to promote it and twenty thousand leaflets were produced for distribution. The event was heavily publicised on The British Democracy Forum, the national UKIP website and the bloggers 4 UKIP site. Nigel was assured that the event would be a great success. Indeed, it was billed as the big launch of UKIP East’s Euro election campaign.

So did thousands flock to Eye on 31st January to hear members of the Farage fan club extol the virtues of voting UKIP? Well, no, actually.

Unfortunately only 50 people bothered to turn up. Only 16 of these were members of the public. I understand that this figure included at least 7 members of the 'dreaded' BNP.

In fact many UKIPPERS had decided to boycott the meeting in protest at the refusal of the leadership to deal with the numerous complaints made by members in the East and elsewhere.

Jeffrey Titford couldn't be bothered to show his face after contracting an OLAF related illness.

Andrew Smith gave an interesting a talk on how to mislead the Electoral Commission.

David Bannerman presented a slide show on how he really, really, really was related to a former prime minister ….. honest!

Stuart Gulleford made a speech but no one can remember what he talked about.

Paul Nuttall give a lecture on the identity of Junius.

Ms Duffy proudly announced that she would be shortly giving birth to a girl who would be called Nigella in honour of our noble leader.

Nigel Farage gave a speech on how to make yourself look a prat on national TV. Apparently all you need is a bad hat, a silly coat, a pink tie and a chairman that looks like Mussolini.

Michael McGough gave a moving account of how he was bitten by a werewolf while hunting vampires in Transylvania.

For some reason Peter Reeve kept a very low profile and declined to speak. Perhaps he was worried that the Inland Revenue would turn up and ask to inspect his accounts.

Finally the whole cast sang Nearer My God to Thee as Captain Nigel and the SS UKIP sank slowly beneath the waves.